Donna

(Parks and Recreation)

Young Donna had a good life smoking cigars with her dad on the front porch of the family’s lake house and waiting to be trained to take over the family candy business, ToffeeHey.  But she also had ambition and by her teenage years it had caught fire.  Tired of singing into a hairbrush and performing her renegade dance moves for her unappreciative brothers, a headstrong Donna hopped on a bus to Minneapolis.

She was convinced that if Prince could just see her deep understanding of rhinestones and hear her stage name, Exotic Erotic Eva, they would form a lifelong bond.  Despite haunting his club, Glam Slam, she couldn’t ensnare him and had to take a part-time job in an attempt to pay the bills.  While sullenly re-stocking shiitakes at the Seward Co-op Donna couldn’t help but notice a man wearing sunglasses and pushing a cart overflowing with nothing but luxury mushrooms.

Acknowledging her stare the man pushed his glasses down to the tip of his nose, winked and explained that he was Executive Chef for the artist commonly known as Prince who ate only funghi.  Next came a rare moment when Donna did not keep things classy, but instead went weak in the knees and careened to the floor taking a display of  Chick’n Nuggets with her.  Embarrassed by her poor performance and dreading another winter with only bedazzled, fingerless gloves to protect her from the freezing cold, Donna headed home.

Not a patient or warm people Donna’s family trained her brother Lavondrius in her absence, solidifying a deep hatred between the siblings.  Determined to still enjoy the finer things and live like a free and easy retiree, Donna set out to marry well.   The fourth time she found herself in divorce court she burned her copy of Gush: Amor Through Time #2 and got into the nightclub business with her cousin Ginuwine’s step-daughter.

Business boomed until De’jan decided they needed an exotic animals room, bringing the wrath of the health department down upon them.  With the help of a handsome Inspector Donna was able to save her favorite tiger, Treat Yo Self.  Computer Blue, the chimpanzee, didn’t fare so well; Donna vowed to live his dream for him and by any means necessary become the proud driver of a Mercedes-Benz.  She launched a successful side venture offering Treat Yo Self for photo shoots;  he was especially in demand around prom time.  In addition to assisting with the tiger ‘s rescue, the Inspector took Donna to the mall and the movies – all while on the clock – which planted the seed in her mind to get a gig working for the government.